Clever Away Messages

[Neo]

This might be good for a laugh. Post your funny aways (or ones you've seen).

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. I'm just an astronaut trying not to crash into Uranus. I don't speak Venusian. I don't like Mars bars. Maybe that's why I keep waking up next to Pluto with a hangover the size of Jupiter.

[Mr. M3]

one of my friends wrote this as their away message...

"First, you must tie her down to the bed, face down. Then, you must spank her well. And after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like.... And then...spank me!"

[MCouper]

Enjoy some of my funny ones.....


See that little yellow notepad by my name? It means I'm not here. You learn something new every day! :-P

I am not here at the moment. However, if you would like to be transfered to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality: ---If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" twenty-three times, delete the 3rd, 6th, and 18th one, and wash your hands. ---If you are codependant, please remove your head from the ass of the person next to you and ask them to press "2". ---If you have multiple personalitites, negotiate with the others over whether to press 3, 4, or 5 ---If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just keep the IM open so we can trace your line. ---If you are manic depressive, press anything, no one will answer anyway

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

I don't have a drinking problem, unless I can't find a drink.

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"

I'm out like a condom machine at a frat party

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I'm out trick-or-treating on the highway dressed as a deer.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Isn't it scary to know what doctors do for a living is called "practice"?

If your name was sleep, i'd be doing you in my bed right now

I'm out like a fat kid in dodge ball.....

Have you ever noticed anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

last night i dreamed i ate a 2 foot long marshmallow....and when I woke up my pillow was gone. hmm...

The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

What is the speed of dark?

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

[sk8er882]

"please wait..." to put in your profile since thats the message you get sometimes. be surprised how many people just sit there hahah

[2Fast2Foney]

If you were strandad on an island and you had 1 wish what would it be?
For those of you who said a rocket ship or boat feel free to leave me a message for those of you who said anything else dont....
the ending isnt the same but thats the general idea..

[Tvan]

"did you know 95.4325% of all statistics are made up?"

& my infamous car one:

"why do we find it necessary to park on the driveway and drive on the parkway?"

[bmwguy18]

"away"

[ptsbmw]

Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
,
"aim:goaway?message=givin+head+be+back+in+10" this is a hyperlink.


I am God... I know this because one day I was praying and I discovered that I was talking to myself...

[///M3UT]

Originally Posted by MCouper

I am not here at the moment. However, if you would like to be transfered to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality: ---If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" twenty-three times, delete the 3rd, 6th, and 18th one, and wash your hands. ---If you are codependant, please remove your head from the ass of the person next to you and ask them to press "2". ---If you have multiple personalitites, negotiate with the others over whether to press 3, 4, or 5 ---If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just keep the IM open so we can trace your line. ---If you are manic depressive, press anything, no one will answer anyway

awesome

[dieselnuts]

[QUOTE=ptsbmw]Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

that is the best one so far its soooooo true too

[powersurge]

I left. I don't know where I am. Do you know where I am? Do you know where you are? Are you lost? Did you find you? I found you. You're there at your computer. But I'm not here. So then I guess I'm over there some where.

[SawedOffShotgun]

Originally Posted by Mr. M3

one of my friends wrote this as their away message...

"First, you must tie her down to the bed, face down. Then, you must spank her well. And after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like.... And then...spank me!"

That is from the Castle Anthrax scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

[bigrojo37]

"whats so civil about civil warm anyways??"

[L3it3r]

I'm more into random away messages:

Sharpie. More than just a Non-Toxic, fine point, Permanent Marker

TV says Donuts are high in fat... Kazoo... Found a hobo in my room. It's princess Leia, the yodel of life... Give me my sweater back or I'll play the guitar...

Stepped out real quick.. Should be back when I step in.

I recieved a Text message on my cell phone that said "you can no longer recieve text messages" ... gee, thanks..

`TRhis is thee tlast timse i type Drink